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為什么畢業之后,同學之間的差距會越拉越大?

分類:科技圈 瀏覽數:35 2019-06-30 14:18 盧松松博客 盧松松博客 編輯: 厚學

“通常,畢業典禮的演講嘉賓都會向你們表示祝賀,并致以真摯的祝愿。我不會這么做,讓我來告訴你為什么。

在未來的歲月里,

我希望你會遭遇不公正的對待,這樣你才會明白正義的價值。

我希望你會遭受背叛,那樣你才會懂得忠誠的重要…

我還希望你會時常有孤獨感,如此你才不會把良朋益友視為理所當然的。

我再次地祝愿你不幸,這樣你才會意識到機遇在人生中的角色,并能明白你們的成功并非命中注定,別人的失敗也非天經地義…不論我愿不愿意,這些遲早都會發生。而你是否從中受益,取決于你能否參透人生苦難所帶來的價值。”

這段話出自于美國最高法院首席大法官約翰 ? 羅伯茨在兒子畢業典禮上的演講,是不是“冷酷到底”?

回看畢業后的幾年,大法官的祝愿真的一一實現,甚至還在不斷上演,班級群漸漸變得安靜沉默,每個同學都在為了生活和理想掙扎忙碌。

但總有些人會不知不覺地脫穎而出、與眾不同,雖然大家在不同的賽道上奔跑,但是成長的效率卻真的大不相同,以至于我們會發出“某某像換了一個人似的”的感嘆。

難道他們真的一路升級打怪,“參透了人生苦難所帶來的價值?”

杭州一名從教近20年的老師,在對90年前后畢業的150名小學生進行了長時間的跟蹤調查,他發現:前三名之后,第十名前后直至20名的學生,在后來的學習和工作中“出乎意料地表現出色”;相反,那些當年備受老師寵愛、成績數一數二的優秀學生,長大后卻淡出優秀行列,甚至在其后的升學和就業等方面屢屢受挫,這種有違大家認知的情況被稱作“第十名現象”。

為什么當時班里金字塔頂端的學霸們在進入社會之后都紛紛銷聲匿跡了?解讀了這個現象,或許就能夠解釋為什么畢業三四年,人與人的差距會越來越大。

心理學家斯騰伯格認為:

人們在學業上表現出來的智力是“惰性智力”,而推動人取得成功的智力可不僅限于此,還包括:創造性能力、分析性能力、實踐性能力等等,它們可以不斷修正和發展的。

所以說,人與人的差別不是一蹴而就的,而來自于日后的經歷和每一個關鍵的“選擇”。畢業后三四年,雖然在整個職業生涯中不算長,但卻是“關鍵選擇”最集中的時段,當量變引發質變,同學間的差別也就一目了然了。

選擇取決于價值觀,脫穎而出和泯然眾人之間的差別,或許就體現在下面這幾種價值取向當中。

在學校的生存規則中,成績好就能“遮百丑”,哪怕不善言辭、性格怪癖,學霸的身份永遠自帶光環。依賴于學校生活的同學,往往習慣了在固定的規則下行事,聽老師、家長的話總是不會出錯,久而久之,自己的自主行事能力就完全喪失了。這也就解釋了為什么很多人在大學里無所事事,畢業前扎堆公考、考研,因為他們沒有想過自己要過什么樣的人生,跟著既定的規則走、隨大流漸漸成了習慣,而這也是歸于平庸的開始。

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